The Epic Conclusion! [Un-Birthday Plot Game]

[Deleted]

"YAY! We made it! We're at the Queen of Hearts' Garden!"

"About time."

The group had ventured through the forest and were now, indeed, at the Queen of Hearts' Garden. As they went to the center, where the Queen's throne lied, both Azalea and Mordred noticed the lack of a Queen and Guards. Or really, anyone. Eventually, they found their way to the center where they finally found the culprit. Ultros was in front of a giant pile of presents and seemed to be systematically searching through each one.

"BAH! Too Fluffy!" he declared, throwing a teddy bear behind. "Too Gaudy! Too Rastafarian! What the... the heck is a 'Final Fantasy VI"?! Whatever, it's trash!" Ultros kept throwing presents behind him as he expressed his displeasure. "That crazy goon doesn't know how to give good presents! Where's the moola?! Grrrrr..."

Azalea, having had enough of Ultros's shenanigans, stepped forward. "YOU! Unhand... Untentacle those presents right now! They're not for you!"

Ultros wheeled around and then jumped in shock. "IMPOSSIBLE! How did you all find me?!"

"Trust me... you really don't want the answer to that question." Mordred said. He seemed rather disinterested in the unfolding events. But then again, he always seems disinterested.

"Well, it doesn't matter! These presents are mine! I'm going to celebrate my birthday even if it means taking everyone else's away! And there's not a thing you can do about it unless you challenge me to an Insult-Off."

"An Insult-Off?"

"CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!" Ultros shouted, wiggling his tentacles everywhere.

"But I didn't-"

"In an Insult-Off, we throw insults at each other and the first person to cry is the LOSER! If you win, you can have the presents. If I win, I get to keep them!"

"But-"

"LET'S BEGIN!" Ultros turned to Azalea and grinned rather evilly. "Your hair has split-ends!"

Azalea gasped and then started crying. "HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT TO ME!" She then ran behind a hedge and started sobbing. Ultros laughed.

"BWAHAHAHAHA! VICTORY!" Ultros then turned to Mordred, who had been standing and observing, his arms crossed. "That cloak's so patched, it probably falls apart in a stiff breeze."

"..." Mordred seemed unaffected as he stared at the purple octopus.

"Well... those glasses make you look like a nerd!"

"..."

"You don't have a Heart!"

"..."

"... That's not your real hair color!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

Ultros then turned to the rest of the group. "I CHALLENGE YOU ALL!"

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Ultros has challenged you all to an Insult-Off, of all things! Hurl your greatest insults at him and win the presents back FOR GREAT JUSTICE!

[xiahtic3]

Celes' eyebrows shot up at the octopus' challenge. What a great way for her to finally, finally get back at the curr for almost dropping a weight on her during the play and ultimately ruining the show for actually dropping on the stage. Not that she cared for that vile performance's success, it was still something the ex-general isn't too fond about.

And she hated the creepy octopus with a vengeance.

"Are you sure you want to do this? You slimy piece of sea-trash?" She started, trying to also recall words from the men she had the pleasure of leading from her days as a general, "Might as well admit defeat and cry like a little girl, because as far as I can remember, it was a little girl who made you submit during your little mishap with the golden statues."

[pete3]

Suddenly:

PING PANG POOF POFF

Out of nowhere came the one and only overlord of chaotically whimsical hijinks: Kekfa! He wasn't even on this world at the time and he still caught the stench of Ultros' terrible "insults". They were so pathetic, he even ignored the fact that his arch-nemesis was only a few feet away.

"What do you think you're doing? You obnoxious Octopoda, how can you call THOSE insults!? They're so bland, so tasteless! I've seen more personality from a clump of seaweed! Heck, with such a deformed look to ya I could mistake you for a clump of seaweed. A big fat clump of purple putrid putrescent seaweed! Get a life ya puts!"

[Deleted]

The thief had a wide grin on his face. Now these he was great at! Insults? He was the runt of the liter, so-to-speak, he knew the greatest insults from far and wide! Settling his hands on his hips he would pull back his head and grin.

"Now I am never one to insult ladies, and seeing that a spineless lump of jelly could do so easily really makes my stomach churn. I suspect you are some sentient blob of makeup to had fallen from this here clown." He motioned his hand and shook his head, holding out his hand most dramatically. "Let me get this straight, a living blob of that sick stuff to bubble at the bottom of Hedgehog Pie casserole thinks eight arms are better than a brain? Sorry but you'll have to do better than these kindsa insults with that overbite of yers!" The thief proclaimed.

[rhosyn]

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[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,bTable][atrb=vAlign,top][atrb=style, width:300px; background-color:#222; border-right:4px solid crimson;] HOLY WATER CANNOT HELP YOU NOW -- Without as much as a single utterance, Rhosyn’s coral-hued lips began to curl upwards into a thin smile, growing wider and wider with each set of insults until it resembled a ravenous wolves’ toothy grin. How eerie it must have looked to his fellow partygoers, all of whom could see numerous glistening, razor sharp fangs that made his smile. He let his jaw relax ever so slightly, swiping his rose-colored tongue across his lips as he took a step towards the purple squid-like creature. His petite alabaster fingers splayed outwards as he reached behind his back, closing his hands around the polished onyx-cherry wood shaft of his weapon of choice, Higanbana. With a sudden flick of his wrist, one could see a flash of silver and the tip of his weapon embedding itself deeply into the ground. The childish unsent took this opportunity to place his foot on the cross guard, applying his weight to embed it further into the ground, ensuring that his weapon would not be uprooted when he leaned on it. For the most part, he had remained quite during all of the festivities, only speaking out once or twice, not to mention he kept his distance from the others. His free hand came up and brushed a few misplaced strands of platinum blonde hair back. However, he stopped midway through this practice routine when he remembered that he no longer had humanoid ears, instead he had the ears that matched a coeurl. He found his lips parting as he allowed a shrill and almost maniacal sounding giggle to escape him as he listened to the other’s insults. He found himself glancing at the clown and cringing ever so slightly; oddly, despite having lived for over a thousand years there were still things he had yet to see. This one thing in particular seemed to freak him out. He dismissed it by turning his head and focusing his attention on the squid again. “ Ughh, such a foul little sea critter, you’re not even as imposing as one of Sin’s spawn yet you still are such a nuisance. I’d end your life now, but such a pitiful existence as yourself is a torture far worse than death itself. Please, tell me why do you continue to breathe you wretched creature…. Hmm, maybe you might be tasty, I mean you smell foul and look atrocious, but I’m sure I’ve eaten worse.”

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i've come to burn your kingdom down.

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MADE BY RIVER!, WHO GOT GANGNAM STYLE

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[Deleted]

Ultros... hadn't expected this. Well, to be fair, this was Ultros, but he really didn't expect for someone to take up his challenge. I mean, he was so good at insults, who would? Unfortunately, for him, four people accepted the challenge, two from his own world no less, and delivered rather scathing barbs. However, Ultros weathered them to the best of his ability and flailed his tentacles around. "BAH! Pedestrian insults at best! They couldn't hurt a fly much less the crowning achievement of octopus royalty... much.

Ultros first turned to Celes, whom he tried to kill via anvil drop. And he would've gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for those pesky kids. And their Gau, too. "That girl cheated! How was I supposed to know her paintings could come alive?! As for you, oh general of ice, I'd tell ya to take a chill pill, but if you hugged your boyfriend, Locke, he might freeze in a pillar of ice where he stood! Of course, maybe you should, you were better as an opera singer anyways!

Ultros then turned to Kefka, who was floating before him with that smile on his face. "Ah, the Clown Prince of Grime! I guess after a group of morons take away your godhood, you'll do anything to make yourself feel superior! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Not that you were much good as a God! Your Tower was a piece of trash, LITERALLY! Of course, it suits someone as trashy as YOU!"

Ultros faced Zidane next, whom he didn't recognize. "Bah! Overbite I might have, but at least I don't suffer from the horrible sin of abysmal acting! Any play you're in must be explosively BAD! And what are you, some kind of monkey?! Everyone knows it takes a thousand of you to produce a decent play, much less act in one!

Ultros jumped a bit when he turned to Rhosyn. This was an insult contest, not a dine-in! "How dare you insinuate you'd nosh on the pinnacle of Octopus Royalty?! Bah! Why don't go play with a laser pointer, you freakish cat boy thing! Or maybe I should dangle some keys above your head to distract you, you half-witted feline!

(I DON'T KNOW IF ANY OF THESE ARE ANY GOOD, BUT I SUPPOSE THAT'S THE POINT GO FOR IIIIIIIIIIIIIT!)

[xiahtic3]

Celes could barely control the rolling of her eyes and the smirk that played on her lips. An exasperated sigh escaped rosy lips as she put a hand on her hip, gazing at the octopus with boredom, "Really? That was it? At least I had someone who loved me, and at least I had the decency to actually know the play I was going to act. If your sorry excuse for a slimy body is all you got, then you might as well not expect anyone to even look at you with nothing but disgust, let alone touch you." She narrowed her eyes, giving him the coldest of glares she was known for during her days as General, "And who are you to give critique on someone else's acting when yours was simply abysmal. Not even worth a street side-show" She did take notice of Kefka, but she was too occupied with the octopus to even care. Worse case is she could just whirl around and slice the clown in half, but for now, she would just continue to watch and see where this goes.

[Deleted]

Laughed out at the Ocotpus' clever jeers. Oh come on! His brothers said way harsher and had far blacker jokes than that! The boy wiped a tear from his eye and motioned his gloved hands.

"At least monkeys always have cute and curious habits adored by many, but you multi-limbed sea cucumbers are only known for terrorizing women and the sea! You're hated and hunted and frankly smell like week old cheese that's been left out in the chocobo pens!"

[pete3]

Oh no I say I say I say oh no he DID NOT just insult Kefka's tower! That wasn't cool, that was the most least cold of cools and he knew it! Oh this octopus was just asking to be ripped apart tentacle by tentacle! Kefka fumed with anger before letting loose another barrage, "Well whoopdie do, I lost my godhood. At least I became a god! What did you accomplish in your life huh? You crashed into an opera house? I BLEW UP THAT OPERA HOUSE! Heck I blew up 80% of that world, the highest point in your villainous career is stealing a bunch of presents! What are ya the Grinch? I would scorch you right now, but then there wouldn't be much of chance to turn you into calamari later. And let's face it, that's all you're good for...ya big blasphemous bombastic bag of bitter BILE!"

[Deleted]

Ultros visibly flinched at the insults being thrown at him. Actually, that sounds too manly. He flailed his tentacles about making a noise not unlike a womanly gasp. "sfdgkehrgi I'M NOT CRYING! I'm just... uhh... wet from... swimming. Yes. Your insults were nothing to me!" Ultros then mumbled something that sounded similar to "big jerks" before continuing. The general was first, again "I wasn't even acting! How can you critique something that I wasn't doing at all?! And besides, I didn't get captured by some foofy guy and his foofy airship. Some general you are! Maybe I oughtta relent and give you a gift. It'll a pretty princess dress that you'll wear while you're in a castle being a damsel and distressing."

The Octopus then rounded on Zidane. "I AM NO MERE SEA CUCUMBER! I guess I'm not surprised at your insult since you seem to lack any intelligence whatsoever. Besides, monkeys make annoying hooting sounds and steal food. And considering you're a loudmouth and yet so scrawny, I guess you're a really poor thief! Besides, I can have adorable traits, too! I just don't feel like showing them!" Though he doesn't do it, you can almost imagine Ultros sticking his tongue out at Zidane.

As for Kefka, Ultros noticed he had managed to anger the clown. Kefka didn't have much of a poker face. "You blew up nothing! I was there and that Opera House was still standing. It had a dragon in it, sure, but it was still standing! And I was making a good living running a Colosseum, thank you very much! And sure 80% is good, but you couldn't do much better! You know what they say, Second Best is FIRST LOSER!"

While the group had hit Ultros hard, Ultros was still able to fire back. Could they up the ante and drive the octopus away for good?

[xiahtic3]

The ex-General tried hard not to laugh. Just a little more and this slimy excuse for an octopus is surely going to crack, and so she smirked, not at all irked by the weak comeback it sputtered and drawled on in a tone which screams disinterest, "I know better than to expect you to even know what was happening. Trying to foil the opera just so you can get into the show? Excuses, I know deep down you wanted to be on the center of that stage, and how does it feel to be upstaged by a dragon after a year?" She paused, giving him a glare, "You must be some other sort of stupid to not realize that we planned on having Setzer kidnap me so we can talk to him about his airship. But then again, octopi have a lot of hearts, but not a lot of minds, so I guess it's not surprising that you didn't know that even though we blatantly talked about it with the Impresario on the opera lobby."

[Deleted]

Laughed at Ultros' attempt to make him whimper. Ha! The smallest of a house of bandits. Loud and scrawny? A hoot and hollering food stealing monkey? Traits that made Zidane him! He smirked and bowed in thanks to the cucumber's compliments.

"Captain Obvious, aren't you this day squid? Maybe you should sell yourself to a book printing company, and make use of that dribbling, black ooze seeping the sides of your face like some panting Zhagnol!"

Zidane tsk'd and shook his head at the mollusk's attempt and buffoonery. Leave that to the baboons! He took in a breath and smirked.

"At least I have the audacity to steal from another! As far as I can tell you're the chicken of the sea, a purple pimple on the butt of ocean coral permeating the hairy back of society!"" He paused and took in a breath. "In short sir.... you smell of fried octopus, much like burning rubber." The little fool, always prancing about causing trouble.

[Deleted]

Ultros looked at the group and if he had lips, they would be quivering right now. "You... I wasn't... I don't even like act..." However, it was too much. Ultros' meager defenses were now systematically crushed by the finishing blows delivered by an icy general and a spirited boy. He flailed and sobbed hysterically. It would be pathetic if it weren't Ultros, so it was merely redundant. "I JUST WANTED TO BE SPECIAAAALLLLLLLL! MR. CHUPON!"

At first, Chupon didn't show up and Ultros, through his oily tears, looked around. Then he turned towards the group, only to be inches away from Chupon. He then said..., "Aaahhhh... AAAHHHHH..."

"Oh nonononononoNONONONONONONO!"

"CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Chupon sneezed and sent Ultros into the sky. He flew after him, apparently ignoring the group of characters that had delivered such a devestating repartee to the octopus. "I'LL GET YOU NEXT HOLIDAY, HEROES! NEXT HOLIDAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! WAAHHH!" Ultros impotently yelled through his sobs. "FUNGAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Chupon yelled, presumably agreeing with his insane companion.

As both monsters were sent flying, who would show up but the Mad Hatter who walked past the group to the presents that had been left behind. "Ah, I see you found the presents! Yes, now we'll have a proper Unbirthday Party! Tea and hats for everyone! Although... seems quite the trip to go back to my house. Why not just host it here?"

"HAAAAAAAATTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER! GET THOSE VAGRANTS OFF MY LAWN OR IT'S OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!" shouted an angry battleaxe of a woman.

"On second thought, there's not enough room here, let's go back home, yes?"

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Congratulations on defeating Ultros and getting back the presents! Happy 6th Unbirthday and let's hope for many more!

BUT IS THIS THE END OF ULTROS'S REIGN OF ALMOST TERROR?

yes it is.